“The night is the hardest time to be alive and 4am knows all my secrets.” -Poppy Z. Brite
Insomnia is a dirty bastard, as all insomniacs already know. It begins one strange night with a sudden aversion to sleep, a fluttery caffeinated feeling in your brain that says, “Must see what 4:37am looks like.”
Then, you’re down the rabbit hole of sleeplessness and into a destructive cycle of “can’t sleep-sleep in too late-can’t sleep” until your brain starts making you do weird things like put a kettle of boiling water in the fridge (Seriously. That happened this morning.)
“The last refuge of the insomniac is a sense of superiority to the sleeping world.” -Leonard Cohen
But, insomnia also means that you have the luxury of being awake while the world sleeps. You’re initiated into the exclusive club of night shift workers, goth weirdos and artists. There’s only a small group of us that know what time the birds start singing (4:02am) and when the sky fades from black to that peaceful pre-dawn royal blue (4:43am.)
We also witness the intimate goings-on of late night. Last night, I watched a guy scream obscenities at his girlfriend’s locked door for over 15 minutes. I was also privy to the nightly 2:15am parade of drunk girls walking home from the bar, giggling like deranged psychos, heels clacking on the sidewalk. I know when the paper gets delivered and when the coffee shop down the street starts baking muffins. I hear the world go silent at 3am and watch it come alive a few hours later. The progression of apartment lights being turned on, then cars on the road, then dog walkers as the city wakes up and I begin to feel tired.
“I’ve always envied people who sleep easily. Their brains must be cleaner, the floorboards of the skull well swept, all the little monsters closed up in a steamer trunk at the foot of the bed.” -David Benioff
Unlike most insomniacs, I work from home and so I have the luxury of falling asleep as my fiancé wakes up and making my morning coffee while he makes lunch. It’s an interesting rhythm. Sometimes I wonder when I’ll sleep like a normal person, other times I hope it’s like this always.
I think that’s the insomnia talking.
Tags: artists, awake, david benioff, insomnia, leonard cohen, night, poppy z brite, sleep, sleepless, tired
