Yesterday, December 10th, was Emily Dickinson’s 182nd birthday.
Of all the women who have existed on this planet, she is one of my favorites.
Emily-inspired Reading
This article is superb
I wrote this post awhile back.
The Dickinson Museum site
Emily’s personal letters
Happy Birthday, Miss Dickinson!
XO,
The Tudors are one of my many obsessions. The wives of Henry VIII seem particularly tragic:
Poor Catherine of Aragon was traded in for a newer model because she couldn’t force her body to become pregnant with a male heir.
Anne Boleyn was rejected for the same reason, except she lost her head.
Jane Seymour gave Henry the heir he always wanted and then promptly died of sepsis.
Anne of Cleves was rejected for not being pretty enough, but at least she got out alive.
Katherine Howard was only a teenager, but that didn’t stop Henry from beheading her, just as he had her cousin, Anne Boleyn.
Lucky Catherine Parr married Henry a few short years before his death, outliving him.
The rhyme used to remember all of Henry’s marriages goes:
King Henry the Eighth, to six wives he was wedded. One died, one survived, two divorced, two beheaded.
Henry was kind of a dick.
It’s ironic, he was so concerned with having an heir, yet he had the greatest heir of any king in history: Elizabeth I, who reigned for 45 years and had an entire era named after her. He just couldn’t see it because, you know, she had a vagina.
Obviously, Henry’s queens are pissed. Their ghosts are still looking for him, haunting the halls of his castles, hoping they’ll get the last word.
The ghosts of Anne Boleyn, Jane Seymour and Katherine Howard have been repeatedly spotted in Hampton Court Palace. I like to think they’ve formed a coven and meet every Tuesday to stick pins in a Henry-shaped voodoo doll.
Anne’s ghost has also been seen in Windsor Castle. Elizabeth I haunts Windsor as well. Let’s hope they found each other in the afterlife. I picture them sitting in a window seat with the drapes closed around them, comparing facial features. They totally have the same eyes.
XOXO
Wednesday Addams is a major source of inspiration for me. She is a homicidal maniac and budding feminist. She dresses like a Pilgrim-Witch, even though it’s a total oxymoron. I love her completely. She has earned her place in the Halloween pantheon.
My favorite Wednesday Addams quotes and photos:
Joel: Wednesday, do you think that maybe someday you might want to get married and have kids?
Wednesday: No.
Joel: But what if you met the right man, who worshiped and adored you? Who’d do anything for you? Who’d be your devoted slave? Then what would you do?
Wednesday: I’d pity him.
Morticia: Wednesday’s at that very special age when a girl has only one thing on her mind.
Ellen Buckman: Boys?
Wednesday: Homicide.
Addams Family Motto: We gladly feast on those who would subdue us.
I would never feast on you, dear reader.
Xoxo
I truly love Nora Ephron. I couldn’t have survived my teens and early twenties without her. Her movies are magic. Her feminist ideals are inspiring. Her writing is beyond honest. I am completely unwilling to admit that she’s gone.
Tomorrow, I will light a candle and watch her movies and cry. Tonight, I’m in total denial.
My heart hurts.
from Tumblr
“The dreamers of the day are dangerous men, for they may act their dream with open eyes, and make it possible.”
- T. E. Lawrence
This is even more true of women.
My posts have become infrequent due to a slight existential crisis which involves me writing a script that will remain nameless for reasons that are vague… I think everybody can relate to that.
If you’re going through an existential crisis of your own, I recommend reading Sylvia Plath quotes.
I could read Sylvia Plath until my skin turns to dust and my soul joins hers in the underworld.
That sentence was very Sylvia-esque.
But not nearly as good.
C’est la vie.
Can this just be my life please?
If you’re a regular around this blog, you know that my dream in life is to move to Hawaii. Alas, I’m stranded in the Canadian wilderness (and by wilderness I mean city) so I have to make due with celluloid sand and surf. Here are my favourite movies set in Hawaii in no particular order:
1. Blue Crush
Sanoe Lake (far right) was born in Kauai, which just hapens to be the island where I plan to live.
I saw Blue Crush when I was 13 and immediately hatched a plan to move to Hawaii after high school. My one regret in life is not doing exactly that. Personal history aside… Blue Crush is part of a rare and elusive movie genre: the feminist chick flick. Also, after watching Kate Bosworth’s stunt double surf giant waves, I like to ask everyone in sight (including cats) the ultimate question, “Do you think you can surf it for real?” DO YOU… DO YOU??? The movie is based on one of the best pieces of travel writing ever.
2. Lilo and Stitch
Ohana means family and family means nobody gets left behind or forgotten. I have a Stitch stuffed animal. He sits on my bookshelf and looks awesome. My cat has a crush on him. No big deal.
3. 50 First Dates
I know it’s a stupid Adam Sandler movie, but it’s a stupid Adam Sandler movie that makes me makes me cry. Every. Single. Time. She just can’t remember anything… gah… I want to eat fried Spam at the Hukilau Cafe and make waffle cabins with Drew Barrymore. EVERY MORNING.
4. The Descendants
My favourite movie of all time. So. Damn. Good.
5. Forgetting Sarah Marshall
I saw this 5 times in the theatre (I was going through a bad breakup.) Forgetting Sarah Marshall is fucking funny. Mila Kunis is gorgeous. What more do you want?
6. Soul Surfer
Hercules on a surfboard!
This is a super cheesy biopic about Bethany Hamilton, a pro surfer who’s arm was severed in a shark attack when she was 14-ish. Ok… so real-life Bethany Hamilton is probably the toughest person alive, but this movie isn’t exactly good. HOWEVER, you get to see Helen Hunt, Dennis Quaid and Hercules himself in the roles of ridiculously tanned parental surf rats. Also… there are some seriously over-emphasized Christian undertones that I find campy and hilarious. And Carrie Underwood (who’s a terrible actor btw) plays a youth minister. What? I know. Come for the scenery, stay for the so-terribly-cheesy-it-circles-back-to-good moment when Bethany realizes God has a plan for her (spoiler alert: God likes it when people get their arms bitten off by sharks.)
Anyways, those are my recommendations for visiting Hawaii from the comfort of your futon. Or couch, if you’re one of those people.
How should you celebrate International Women’s Day?
1. Call your mother, sister, daughter, mentor, hero or friend.
2. Donate to V-Day and end violence against women and girls.
3. Read amazing literature written by women. I suggest Emily Dickinson, Sylvia Plath and Hayden Herrera (who wrote the biography of Frida Kahlo.)
4. Look at photos of your feminist heroes. Be inspired. Example:
The young man standing on the far left in the suit is Frida Kahlo. She liked to wear mens clothes sometimes. Pretty brave for a 20 year-old Mexican woman in the early 1930's.
5. Break up with your shitty boyfriend.
6. Wear a dress. Feel grateful that you’re wearing it by choice. Some women’s aren’t so lucky.
7. Stand up for what you believe in. Don’t want to have babies? Don’t believe in marriage? Support LGBT rights? Say it. Out loud. To other people.
8. Masturbate
9. Rent a movie with a strong female lead. Feel angry that there are only like 5 of them.
10. Look into gender politics in your area. Find out about your abortion, sexual health and birth control rights. These things matter.
11. Look into the rights of women in other countries. The Congo is a good place to start. Read Nicholas Kristof’s articles. Here’s a good one on reproductive rights in Texas. Excerpt:
“The state of Texas is waging war on women and their families,” Dr. Boyd added. “The new law is demeaning and disrespectful to the women of Texas, and insulting to the doctors and nurses who care for them.”
12. Get mad. Get PISSED. Then DO SOMETHING ABOUT IT. Donate. Write a blog post. Petition your local government. Volunteer at a women’s shelter. Mentor a girl. Stop watching reality TV. Take off your makeup. Refuse to be silent.
13. Be kind. Be brave. Be strong.
Christina
Christina was the daughter of a hero-king and a queen who was bat-shit crazy. When her father was killed in battle, her mother refused to allow him to buried, keeping his coffin in her room and often embracing his rotting corpse. Once the burial took place (many months later) she kept his heart in a jar… and slept with it. Christina’s mother also decided to cover the windows and re-decorate the castle in all-black, forcing the entire court to live a mole-like existence.
Yep. That happened.
Knowing that his wife was totally insane, King Gustav II left the kingdom to Christina with instructions that she was to receive the education of a prince, including swordsmanship and hunting. Fortunately, Christina was extremely intelligent. She could speak several languages and dreamed of making Stockholm the “Athens of the North.”
Christina’s intelligence made up for her less-than-attractiveness… to put it nicely. When her mother was pregnant, the astrologers predicted the baby would be a boy. In fact, for a few days after her birth, the royal doctors swore that Christina was a boy, either due to a birth defect or her strong temperament. As she grew up, Christina’s took on a distinctly masculine appearance. Her nose and jawline were pronounced and her gait and voice were considered to be masculine. Adding to her “unfortunate” appearance were her uneven shoulders. Her mother (or the nurse, depending on the story) dropped Christina when she was an infant, breaking one of her shoulder blades. The injury made one shoulder higher than the other. Christina was undeniably masculine, the furthest thing from the demure, dainty lady she was supposed to be.
Christina didn’t mind.
She decided to wear men’s clothes, keep her hair unfashionably short and forego all lady-like manners. She focused on the masculine pastimes she loved: riding, fighting, math and hunting. She surrounded herself with educated men and avoided the topics of marriage and children at all costs.
Rumours began to spread.
People said she was a man, a hermaphrodite and a lesbian. Christina did nothing to dispel these rumours. She spoke openly about never wanting to marry or have children. She amassed a huge collection of paintings, many depicting female nudes. She wrote love letters to men and women. She even stated that the idea of having sex with a man repulsed her.
One day, Ebba Sparre came to court from France.
Ebba
Beautiful Ebba became Christina’s favourite lady-in-waiting. The Queen gave her the nickname “Belle” and the two were soon rumoured to be lovers. In fact, Christina was so possessive of her lady-in-waiting that when Ebba showed an interest in a particular gentleman, Christina forced her to marry someone else. The man Ebba ended up marrying was not only a bad match, but someone Ebba really disliked.
Christina soon decided to abdicate the throne. Trading her crown for freedom, and leaving poor Ebba behind, she travelled across Europe and lived her remaining years in Rome. She was surrounded by scandal and intrigue until the very end.
In recent years, Christina has become a gay and feminist icon, celebrated by many for her non-conformist lifestyle.
So, the moral of the story is: fuck what other people think.
And Sweden is awesome.
If you’d like to learn more about Christina, this Wikipedia article looks to be correct. There’s also an extensive biography, that I reviewed here.
She’s one of my favourite people. Her and Frida would have totally been lovers, had they been on the planet at the same time.
How awesome is this painting!?
This beautiful poem was written by one of the actresses on One Tree Hill (which I’ve never seen.) I love it when people aren’t who you think they are. Actress on the CW and super talented writer… I live for surprises.
“Dear Oscar: Women Have Stories, Too” on the Oscars and they’re lack of vaginas.
We all need to let go of our childhoods. They were all uniquely terribly but we are grown-ups now. It’s time to move on.
I’ve been reading The Inner Temple of Witchcraft by Christopher Penczak. It’s fantastic. If you’re interested in energy work, intuition or enhancing your mental abilities, this is the book for you. Plus, some amazing witches on Youtube have been vlogging their way through it.
Frida Kahlo fun facts! Learn the basics of La Gran Ocultadora in a few minutes: Here and Here.
The Hello Giggles kitty cam is adorable! A live stream of a mama kitty and her babies!
