31 Days of Halloween – Day 31: HALLOWEEN!

Today is the day. THE DAY. We lived to see another beautiful All Hallows Eve. How should you/we/I celebrate this horrifying occasion? I have a few suggestions:

• Watch horror films. Kate Hudson movies don’t count. (I still love her.)
• Eat all the chocolate. All. Of. It.
• Drink red wine from a fancy glass, like Dracula but without the blood.
• Walk around in costume. Let your inner Creepy Weirdo out to play.
• Scare children. Somewhere between “sleep with the lights on” and “scarred for life.”
• Visit a cemetery. Pay your respects.
• Go to 8tracks and listen to Halloween playlists.
• Be nice to cats. I hope you do this everyday, but especially today.
• Film yourself lip synching Rocky Horror songs and send me the video. Watch this for inspiration:

• Make a magic potion. By “magic potion” I mean “tequila.”
• Paint your nails black, especially if you’re a dude.
• Cast spells. Go ahead. What could possibly go wrong?
• Invite that cute girl over. Ask her to play Light as a Feather, Stiff as a Board *wink*
• Dress your pets up in costumes. DO IT. Send me pictures.
• Throw bat-shaped confetti in people’s faces. That’ll shut them up. Don’t try this on your husband/boss/mom.
• Ouija the shit out of that board.
• Meditate. You’re going to need that inner peace to deal with your family over the holidays.
• Watch paranormal shows and take a shot every time someone says “Did you hear that?” You’ll be drunk in 20 minutes.
• Eat black licorice. It’s the best. Don’t even try to tell me otherwise.
• Bloody Mary. The mirror game or the drink. Your choice.
• Tell ghost stories. Everybody has a ghost story.

Happy Halloween! Blessed Samhain!
XOXO

31 Days of Halloween – Day 28: Rocky Horror Picture Show

I want to be Dr. Frank-n-Furter when I grow up. There’s nothing better than Tim Curry in lingerie. NOTHING.

I suggest you check your local theatre listings. There’s likely to be a midnight showing in your town/city, especially at Halloween time.

Put on some thigh-highs and head out into the night….

For the Rocky Horror virgin, here’s what you’ll need, from the geniuses at Rookie Mag:

 

Remember kids: don’t dream it, be it.

XOXO

31 Day of Halloween – Day 22: Scary Links

Lots of blogs are giving into the Halloween spirit and writing spooktacular blog posts:

Everything I Need to Know I Learned From The Shining

Smallest Graveyard in Manhattan

A Guide to Salem, Massachusetts

A Guide to Ghost Hunting

XOXO

31 Days of Halloween – Day 20: Witch Movies

I love witches in all their forms, but especially in the movies. My favorite witch-related movies, for your viewing pleasure:

1. The Craft – light as a feather, stiff as a board
2. Blair Witch Project – there’s nothing scarier than the woods in autumn
3. Witches of Eastwick – bohemian Cher
4. Practical Magic – The Aunts
5. The Witches – sexy Angelica Houston
6. Suspiria – lots of bloody ballerinas
7. Hocus Pocus – yabos
8. Mists of Avalon – Angelica strikes again
9. The Crucible – Winona Forever!
10. Beastly – Mary Kate Olsen as the gothed out Enchantress
11. Sleepy Hollow – who’s got a kiss for the pickety witch?

31 Days of Halloween – Day 18: Spooky L.A.

Los Angeles is a city comprised of mansions, Rodeo Drive and the tears of failed actresses, or so people think. I’ve always been fascinated with L.A. because of its dark side. It’s a city with hundreds of ghost stories and urban legends. Full of creepy history, L.A. is Mecca for weirdos, lunatics and lost souls. The city seems to be built for ghostly happenings. The Santa Anas winds sweep through every fall, raising crime rates and the canyons are known for their ability to distort sound. It is said that you can hear a door slamming from ten miles away but you can’t hear the screams of your neighbor being murdered next door. How’s that for creepy?

The spookiest of Los Angeles, according to me:

The L.A. Coroner’s Office has a gift shop.

Hollywood Forever Cemetery is the resting place of Rudolph Valentino and hosts Dia de los Muertos celebrations and movie nights, where the film is projected on a cemetery wall.

The legend of Peg Entwistle, who jumped off the Hollywood at age 24. Peg was depressed due to her failed acting career,so she climbed up to the Hollywood sign in her Sunday best and jumped to her death. The next morning, a letter from a famous director arrived in the mail, offering her an important role in his movie. She is said to be the Lady in White who haunts the trails leading up to the sign.

Sharon Tate’s murder is beyond horrifying.

The many ghost and ghouls of Griffith Park.

And this quote by writer Raymond Chandler:

There was a desert wind blowing that night. It was one of those hot dry Santa Anas that come down through the mountain passes and curl your hair and make your nerves jump and your skin itch. On nights like that every booze party ends in a fight. Meek little wives feel the edge of the carving knife and study their husbands’ necks. Anything can happen.

XOXO

31 Days of Halloween – Day 16: Dorian Gray

Today is Oscar Wilde’s birthday. His wit and style are the stuff of legend. He also wrote one hell of a scary novel called The Picture of Dorian Gray.

The story begins with an artist painting the portrait of a beautiful young man named Dorian Gray. He gives Dorian the finished portrait and the young man hangs it in his home.

Soon after, Dorian’s innocence and good nature begin to be corrupted. He becomes increasingly cruel and thoughtless and breaks the heart of a woman he loves, for no apparent reason.

When he arrives home from the confrontation with his ex-lover, he sees that the portrait has changed. There is now a sneer on the face and an evil look in the eyes of Portrait Dorian.

He hides the painting in the attic and goes on with his degenerate life.

Dorian becomes more soulless with each passing year. He is selfish, vain and violent, yet he remains young and beautiful. His deviant lifestyle has done nothing to tarnish his beauty and youth.

While people marvel at Dorian’s ageless face, the hidden painting becomes more and more hideous. Dorian’s character flaws, bad behavior and advanced years are present in his portrait.

The painting shows Dorian Gray for what he is – a monster.

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It’s a creepy book with a great ending that I won’t ruin here, in case you want to read it.

XOXO

31 Days of Halloween – Day 14: Spooky Poetry Part 2

More spooky, fun Halloween poetry. You can view Part 1 here.

Upon Each Samhain by David O. Norris

I miss you most upon each Samhain
When the boundary turns to sheer
I wait until the veil is parted
At the ending of the year.
Sweet spirit, as you walk among us
At the tolling of this eve
I see your face beyond the sunset
And hear your voice upon the breeze.
In the glowing of the candle
From the shadow on the wall
I watch for you in every movement
And hear your footsteps in the hall.
Can you sit and spend the evening
As the portal opens wide?
Ancestral dead, I bid you welcome.
Most recent dead, I pray, abide.

When you come I sense your presence
I put my hand out in the air
A moment, then, we stand united
Palm to palm while waiting there.
I miss you most upon each Samhain
When the boundary turns to sheer
We share these hours until the dawning
Then bid farewell until next year.

Untitled by David O. Norris

Druids would not know this night
Witches would in wonder gaze
To see the festive costumed souls
Who dance about the night in play
Where ancient magic ruled the land
Children’s laughter fills the soul
Yet in this way the night is honored
Much like the ancients long ago.

 

The Witches’ Song by Elizabeth Coatsworth

Early, early, comes the dark,
something moves along the ditches.
Was that singing? Hark, oh hark
to the chanting of the witches!

Come, sisters, come,
let us screech at the windows,
let us blow out the candles
and breathe on their hair,

we’ve shadowed the moon
and called up the night-wind,
the owl and the cat and the broom
will be there.

Let us turn their blood chill
with the sight of our faces,
let us touch them with fingers
both crooked and cold,

and then shrilly laughing
we’ll be off to the hill tops
to frisk and to frolic
as always of old.

Did you hear them? Were they saying
scary things to shake the knees?
Or was that but breezes playing
in the dry and brittle trees?

The Halloween Tree by Ray Bradbury

It’s big, it’s broad…
It’s broad, it’s bright…
It fills the sky of All Hallows’ Night…
The strangest sight you’ve ever seen.
The Monster Tree on Halloween.

The leaves have burned to gold and red
the grass is brown, the old year dead,
But hang the harvest high, Oh see!
The candle constellations on the Halloween Tree!

The stars they turn, the candles burn
And the mouse-leaves scurry on the cold wind borne,
And a mob of smiles shine down on thee
From the gourds hung high on the Halloween Tree.

The smile of the Witch, and the smile of the Cat,
The smile of the Beast, the smile of the Bat,
The smile of the Reaper taking his fee
All cut and glimmer on the Halloween Tree…

hist whist by e e cummings (with his spacing and punctuation)

hist     whist
little ghostthings
tip-toe
twinkle-toe

little twitchy
witches and tingling
goblins
hob-a-nob      hob-a-nob

little hoppy happy
toad in tweeds
tweeds
little itchy mousies

with scuttling
eyes      rustle and run      and
hidehidehide
whisk

whisk      look out for the old woman
with the wart on her nose
what she’ll do to yer
nobody knows

for she knows the devil      ooch
the devil       ouch
the devil
ach        the great

green
dancing
devil
devil

devil
devil

wheeEEE

 

31 Days of Halloween – Day 10: Paranormal TV

There’s nothing better than basking in the warm glow of a laptop screen. Unless you count human contact (which I do not.) I watch a lot of paranormal reality television… on my laptop… while in bed. I’d say it’s my guilty pleasure… but it’s pretty much just my pleasure. Most of these shows are SO BAD they’re good. Sometimes though, on rare occasions, I’m authentically creeped out by the spooky happenings on these programs:

Ghost Hunters

I dislike this show, but I like to hate-watch it sometimes. For the record, I don’t believe in “hunting ghosts” because you’re basically hunting humans. Doesn’t that seem morally wrong in several ways? Can you imagine sneaking into someone’s home at night, shaking them awake and then making them turn a flashlight on and off while you shove a camera in their face the ENTIRE TIME? Mostly, I watch Ghost Hunters because any show featuring middle aged, white men who scare themselves in the dark seems like a win for feminism. Plus, I like to imagine what they would do if they actually “caught” a ghost. Would they suck it into a vacuum, Ghostbusters style? Let’s be real. They’d probably pee in their pants and cry, right? That’s what I would do.

Dead Files

A gruff New York cop (who’s weirdly attractive) and an awkward psychic (who’s weirdly attractive) investigate hauntings. Amy Allan, who plays is a psychic is super creepy. Her face and voice are SO animated and expressive. She looks authentically scared all the time, which makes me authentically scared ALL THE TIME.

Paranormal State

I can’t even discuss this show because it scares the living hell out of me. FOR REAL. All you need to know is that Ryan Buell (sexy) herds a rag tag team of misfits into homes where they will potentially become a demon’s midnight snack. Also, the show features psychics and priests who seem to be vaguely “not right” in at least one lobe of their brain. I mean that in the best possible way. My favorite episodes are the ones with Lorraine Warren, the bat-shit-crazy great aunt you always wished you had. Everything about her is PERFECT. Basically, this show drops the D-Bomb (as in demon) more than any other, making it both terrifying and ridiculous.

Psychic Kids

This show is the Glee of the paranormal world. Really nice psychics help really nice kids come to terms with their psychic abilities. A lot of the kids looks like they haven’t slept in months. They are terrified of the creepy ghost that harass them 24/7. Side note: ghosts are assholes. Often, the parents don’t believe in anything supernatural and think their kid is possessed by Satan. There’s a lot of turmoil but, eventually, the parents accept the kid for who they are. I cry a lot when I watch this show.

 
There are MANY other shows in this genre, but these are a few of my favorites. I know some people watch them unironically, and that’s totally okay. I don’t judge (unless you’re on a paranormal reality show, in which case I do judge. Harshly.)

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Happy Watching!

XOXO

31 Days of Halloween – Day 5: Haunted Quotation

I couldn’t sleep last night. I watched the Amityville Horror remake and not even Ryan Reynolds abs could make up for the creepiness. I’d watched it years ago, when I was teenager with nerves of steel. I remembered it being more of a slasher film and less of a holy-shit-there’s-a-gross-ghost-girl-terrorizing-people-in-closets movie.

What can I say?

Such is life.

And with that, a quote about ghostly things:

A house is never still in darkness to those who listen intently; there is a whispering in distant chambers, an unearthly hand presses the snib of the window, the latch rises.  Ghosts were created when the first man awoke in the night.  ~J.M. Barrie

31 Days of Halloween – Day 4: Spooky Poetry

Here are a few poems about ghosts and witches:

The Hag
Robert Herrick (1648)

The Hag is astride,
This night for to ride;
The Devill and shee together:
Through thick, and through thin,
Now out, and then in,
Though ne’r so foule be the weather.

A Thorn or a Burr
She takes for a Spurre:
With a lash of a Bramble she rides now,
Through Brakes and through Bryars,
O’re Ditches, and Mires,
She followes the Spirit that guides now.

No Beast, for his food,
Dares now range the wood;
But husht in his laire he lies lurking:
While mischiefs, by these,
On Land and on Seas,
At noone of Night are working,

The storme will arise,
And trouble the skies;
This night, and more for the wonder,
The ghost from the Tomb
Affrighted shall come,
Cal’d out by the clap of the Thunder.

The Haunting
Richard Jones

In screaming woods and empty rooms
or gloomy vaults and sunken tombs
where monks and nuns in dust decay
and shadows dance at close of day.

Where the bat dips on the wing
and spectral choirs on breezes sing;
Where swords of ancient battles clash
and shimmering shades for freedom dash.

Where silver webs of spiders weave
and blighted lovers take their leave
Where curses lay the spirits low
and mortal footsteps fear to go.

Where death holds life in grim embrace
its lines etched on the sinners face
Where e’er the march of time is flaunted
voices cry, “this place is haunted.”

From Antigonish
William Hughes Mearns (1899)

Yesterday upon the stair
I met a man who wasn’t there.
He wasn’t there again today
Oh, how I wish he’d go away.

The Witches’ Rune
Doreen Valiente

Darksome night and shining moon
Hearken to the Witches’ Rune.
East and South, West and North
Hear me now, I call thee forth.
By all the powers of land and sea
Be obedient unto me.
Wand and pentacle, cup and sword
Hearken ye unto my word.
Cord and censor, totem and knife
Waken ye all into life.
By all the powers of the Witches’ blade
Come ye now as the charge is made.
Queen of Heaven, Queen of Hell
Send your aid unto my spell.
Horned Hunter of the Night
Work my will by magick rite.
By all the powers of Land and Sea
As I will, so mote it be.
By all the might of moon and sun
As I say, it shall be done.

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May your nights be long and your dreams be haunted,

XOXO