Fiancé and I Agrue about Narwhals

“Here Comes a Narwhal” by Joe Havasy. I would TOTALLY pay $450 for it. That’s a bargain. There’s also a $7 print version, but I’d splurge for the real deal. Visit Joe’s Etsy Shop because he’s a marvelous bastard. Apparently. I don’t know him. 

So I showed Fiancé this painting because it basically sums up our relationship (I like cute things – he like gory things) but instead of bringing us closer together, it tore us apart:

Me: Look at this epic painting!

Fiancé: The narwhal killed everyone.

Me: Ya. Look how happy he is! But in real life narwhals don’t use their horns to kill things.

Fiancé: Sure they don’t.

Me: THEY DON’T!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Fiancé: They should. They should joust. TO THE DEATH.

Me: NOOOOO!!!!!! Also, why are there so many narwhals on Etsy right now? When I was super into narwhals back in March there was nothing and now there’s SO much stuff! Why don’t I have a job in marketing or something?

Fiancé: Because marketing is super corporate and you would hate it.

Me: But I’m SO ahead of the trends! Somebody should really hire me.

So the moral of the story is, I’m available for all of your narwhal trend-spotting needs.

Witch-Wife

"Evening Mood" by Bouguereau, 1882

Fiancé and I are not having a wedding but if I was that kind of a girl, I’d make sure this poem was read at the reception:

Witch-Wife

(by Edna St. Vincent Millay)

She is neither pink nor pale,
And she never will be all mine;
She learned her hands in a fairy-tale,
And her mouth on a valentine.

She has more hair than she needs;
In the sun ‘tis a woe to me!
And her voice is a string of coloured beads,
Or steps leading into the sea.

She loves me all that she can,
And her ways to my ways resign;
But she was not made for any man,
And she never will be all mine.

Beautiful, yes? I think it’s lovingly witchy and shows so much respect for women. I like the part about her voice being like coloured beads or steps leading into the sea. Some people find this poem eerie, but I think every man or woman should feel this way about their wife.

The Princess and the Frog

Diego Rivera signed his letters to Frida, ”el sapo-rana”

The Toad-Frog.

She ended her letters with a red lipstick kiss and then circled it… for emphasis.

Their marriage was not an easy one. They wed for the first time in 1929 only to divorce 10 years later when Diego slept with Frida’s sister, Cristina. They remarried shortly after, in 1940, and stayed together until Frida’s death in 1954.

Friends said Diego and Frida’s marriage was the union of a dove and an elephant. She was 22 years old on their wedding day, barely 5 foot 3 and weighed less than 100 pounds. He was 42, over 6 feet tall and weighed 300 pounds.

He was also a chronic cheater, despite his froggy appearance, seducing women with his fame and charm. A doctor explained to Frida, “Diego is medically incapable of fidelity.”

She mostly laughed off his affairs, swallowing her jealousy and having numerous romances of her own. Indulging her bisexual nature, she slept with numerous men and women, including jazz singer Josephine Baker and fellow painter Georgia O’Keeffe. Frida wrote to a friend about the affair:

“O’Keeffe was in the hospital for three months, she went to Bermuda for a rest. She didn’t make love to me that time, I think on account of her weakness. Too bad.”

Despite their tumultuous relationship, Frida and Diego were completely supportive of each other’s art. Diego praised Frida’s paintings to everyone he met. He told reporters, “through her paintings, she breaks all the taboos of the woman’s body and of female sexuality.”