31 Days of Halloween – Day 31: HALLOWEEN!

Today is the day. THE DAY. We lived to see another beautiful All Hallows Eve. How should you/we/I celebrate this horrifying occasion? I have a few suggestions:

• Watch horror films. Kate Hudson movies don’t count. (I still love her.)
• Eat all the chocolate. All. Of. It.
• Drink red wine from a fancy glass, like Dracula but without the blood.
• Walk around in costume. Let your inner Creepy Weirdo out to play.
• Scare children. Somewhere between “sleep with the lights on” and “scarred for life.”
• Visit a cemetery. Pay your respects.
• Go to 8tracks and listen to Halloween playlists.
• Be nice to cats. I hope you do this everyday, but especially today.
• Film yourself lip synching Rocky Horror songs and send me the video. Watch this for inspiration:

• Make a magic potion. By “magic potion” I mean “tequila.”
• Paint your nails black, especially if you’re a dude.
• Cast spells. Go ahead. What could possibly go wrong?
• Invite that cute girl over. Ask her to play Light as a Feather, Stiff as a Board *wink*
• Dress your pets up in costumes. DO IT. Send me pictures.
• Throw bat-shaped confetti in people’s faces. That’ll shut them up. Don’t try this on your husband/boss/mom.
• Ouija the shit out of that board.
• Meditate. You’re going to need that inner peace to deal with your family over the holidays.
• Watch paranormal shows and take a shot every time someone says “Did you hear that?” You’ll be drunk in 20 minutes.
• Eat black licorice. It’s the best. Don’t even try to tell me otherwise.
• Bloody Mary. The mirror game or the drink. Your choice.
• Tell ghost stories. Everybody has a ghost story.

Happy Halloween! Blessed Samhain!
XOXO

31 Days of Halloween – Day 1: Introduction

It’s officially October.

A full 31 days set aside by the gods as a time for us mortals to enjoy the finer things in life: fun-size candy, girls in black thigh-highs and scary movies. For the rest of October, consider this blog my personal offering to Samhain himself, the spirit of Halloween. Check back daily for Halloween inspiration, witchy artwork and spooky poetry….

Happy Haunting,

Happy Friday the 13th

via weheartit.com

Today is the third of three Friday the 13th’s happening this year. *Thunder* *Lightning*

In honor of this not-so-auspicious day, here are 13 ideas for your Friday the 13th itinerary:

1. Watch all of the Friday the 13th movies, except for Jason X because it takes place in outer space (and you know how I feel about movies that take place in outer space)

2. Buy a baker’s dozen of something. I’d go with cupcakes, you might choose steaks.

3. Have a party with 13 guests. Light some candles and get out the Ouija board.

4. Wear a costume, buy candy, decorate your house all creepy-like. I love Halloween and isn’t Friday the 13th close enough?

5. Send someone 13 flowers, especially if they’re superstitious. Nothing says “You must die” like a bouquet of anonymous flowers delivered on a day made for serial killers.

6. Pet black cats, walk under ladders and step on cracks. Just to see. It’s like a science experiment… with your life.

7. Give thirteen dollars to a charity. I suggest any charity that looks after kitties or narwhals. Or an alpaca sanctuary. Here’s an article I wrote for eHow.com about reputable animal charities.

8. Get a tattoo. Lots of tattoo parlours offer cheap “13″ tattoos on Friday the 13th, so roll up your sleeve and get in line.

9. Do something healthy, like 13 yoga poses or 13 minutes of meditation.

10. Un-do your bad luck. If you’re having a bad day, try doing 13 things to counteract it: look for a 4-leaf clover, pick up pennies, hang up a horseshoe, etc.

11. Drink 13 glasses of wine.

12. Drink 13 shots of tequila (DON’T)

13. Compile a Friday the 13th playlist with 13 songs to bring you luck OR 13 creepy, dark songs. I recommend Marilyn Manson. Or if you REALLY want to scare yourself, Shania Twain *thunder* *lightning*

Happy Haunting…

This is Awesome

Me and my ex-boyfriend.

Hello everybody!

This article from the Huffington Post is amazing.

It covers the “quirky girl” through the decades, from Hepburn to Deschanel.

I think it’s pretty great but that could be the margaritas talking…

P.S. That photo has NOTHING to do with the article. I just thought is was funny. Because I have a questionable sense of humour.

3 Alternative Ways to Look at Valentine’s Day

Adorable. weheartit.com

Candy companies and lingerie stores would have you believe that Valentine’s Day is about a particularly boring kind of vanilla, hetero-love.

I call bullshit. 

I love Valentine’s Day and I am not at all romantic. I’m pretty much anti-romantic because romance is boring. Valentine’s Day, however, is not boring. It’s a bright, happy explosion of pink and red in the middle of winter. Who wouldn’t like that?! Plus, it has it’s roots in a Pagan sex festival.

For me, Valentine’s Day is about love and sex, not romance. The difference? I think people should embrace who they are, what they love and where they are in life at this moment and NOT compare themselves to other people, including the annoying couples in diamond commercials.

Side note: diamonds are NOT forever. They’re for 60 or 70 years max and then you die.

So what do I suggest for Valentine’s Day?

1. Self Love

Oscar knows best.

I support single girls having a day of self-love, whether it’s with a vibrator or a rom-com marathon… or both if you really like Meg Ryan. I also support doing anything that makes you feel good about yourself: painting your nails, eating a cheeseburger, writing short stories, etc. Valentine’s Day is the perfect time to remember that the real love story of your life is between you and yourself. You are stuck with you. It’s like an arranged marriage, Marie Antoinette-style, so you better start loving yourself.

2. Understanding the Person You’re Sleeping With/Married To/Dating/Friends With

Can this be my wedding china?

I support relationships in which people have taken the time to learn your specific tastes and interests, as opposed to being a slave to the sexist things society labels “for girls” or “for boys.”

Example: Red roses

No thanks. I’d prefer basil. Basil is also a symbol of love. AND you can make pesto with it. AND you can cast spells with it.

Example: Box o’chocolates

I’d rather have a $5 bag of Cadbury Mini Eggs. Or margaritas. Or a bottle of tequila.

Example: Lingerie

I feel like Fiancé would pick out a very tasteful nightgown and I’d be like, “WHY DOES THIS NOT HAVE LEATHER AND CHAAAAAAAAAAINS???” and he’d be all, “because we don’t live in a sex dungeon” and then I’d pout because I wish we did live in a sex dungeon. Or, you know, adjust that scenario to something that applies to your life…

So, maybe your lumberjack boyfriend would appreciate flowers? Or maybe Season 4 of The X-Files would make your girlfriend happy. Or maybe you should do something as a couple, like walk dogs at the SPCA. Or maybe your friends would appreciate some pot brownies. There are SO many different lifestyles and so many different kinds of relationships, romantic and platonic. Take the time to really understand the people in your life.

3. Sit This One Out

Just because I love Valentine’s Day and, for different reasons, Hallmark loves Valentine’s Day, does not mean you have to love it. You are under no obligation to participate. That’s the great thing about freedom and stuff. If you want to celebrate Valentine’s Day by going to work and then falling asleep at 8:30pm, I think that’s great. If you want to watch slasher movies while picturing your ex’s face, go for it. If you want to eat salad and meditate, I support you. The choice is yours. Maybe you’re more of a Halloween person, anyway…

 

 

 

 

 

P.S. If you’re looking for Alternative Valentine’s Day gift ideas, particularly for teens, but you could adjust them for your life, I wrote this article.

Links…

Valentine's Day is coming! (via weheartit.com)

This week was full of cinnamon hearts, slush falling from the sky and meddlesome cats.

I also drank A LOT of margaritas.

Soooo, without further ado…

Things That Make Me Happy:

I love cashiers. A nice cashier, barista or bank teller makes my day. Yesterday, a lovely cashier (who was possibly the nicest person I’ve ever met) made me SO happy when she told me that her sister used to make icing sandwiches when they were kids. Seriously, whoever you are Cashier Super Girl, know that you are AWESOME.

This blog post from Unicorns for Socialism. Alexandra Franzen is my hero. Just start there and read her whole blog.

SHARPIES!!!!!!!!!

I love cinnamon flavoured candy: cinnamon hearts, Hot Lips, Hot Tamales. They’re pretty much the only reason I embrace Valentine’s Day.

I joined Goddess Circle! Yeah, yeah, yeah! I looooove it. If you haven’t seen Goddess Guidebook, go now. Goddess Leonie is the living embodiment of positivity.

Pop Culture Happy Hour is my favourite podcast. It’s also where I stole the title of this post from. Listen on the NPR site or find it on iTunes. This week they talked about Oscar nominations, oh yes they did.

HAVE YOU SEEN MICHELLE WILLIAMS’ GQ PHOTOS?!?!?! She looks gorgeous! It’s a very Marilyn-esque shoot but she looks just as beautiful wearing jeans and a Mia Farrow haircut. The interview is supposed to be very revealing and raw. That’s why I love Michelle Williams; she’s the spitting image of honesty.

Also, the church across the street from my workplace put up a rainbow flag with a sign that says “All Welcome.”

As it should be.

I hope you’re weekend has been nourishing and fulfilling. Have a fantastic Sunday!

Links…

Fiancé just gifted me a Cinnamon Dolche latte from Starbucks and I’m writing this in bed, still wearing yesterday’s makeup. Week 2 of my 4-month long temp job was completed with slightly less waterworks than Week 1, so I consider that a success. The past week was full of snow, Twinings Ultra-Spice Chai and many, many podcasts.

So, What’s Making Me Happy?

On the podcast “WTF with Marc Maron,” comedian Tom Glass came out of the closet (to the general public anyways) and the discussion that followed was honest and very intelligent. Go listen NOW. Find it on iTunes. excerpt:

“Leave everybody the fuck alone… let people do what they want.”

The Descendants won Golden Globes!

I cleaned the apartment. Trust me, this is a HUGE triumph.

Gala Darling affirms everything I’ve been saying about celebrating every day.

Weird winter weather in Ontario. On any given day this week I was snowed, rained and shined upon. I wore mittens and ballet flats. I love it.

I purchased a Hello Kitty blanket and have been wearing it cape-style for the last 3 days.

L’Oréal Colour Riche Balm is sooooo good. If you’re looking for an everyday lip balm with a bit of colour, this is it.

This Frida Kahlo coloring book is adorable.

This article on recognizing your inner critic is enlightening.

Sometimes, parents rock.

Rules for Movie Watching

Stitch rocks! (via weheartit.com)

As a cinephile, I always have a long list of movies to watch. Because of this, I’ve developed certain rules to weed out stuff I don’t like and focus on movies that have the potential to inspire or entertain me. This isn’t a “good movie vs. bad movie” system, it’s just a few rules that work for me specifically:

Rules for Movies I Watch

1. Any movie set in Hawaii – The Descendants, 50 First Dates, Lilo and Stitch, Blue Crush

2. Any movie featuring quirky misfits, nerds or weirdos – Almost Famous, Bridesmaids, Ghost World, The Craft, Judd Apatow and Alexander Payne films in general

3. Road trip/plane trip/vacation movies – Up in the Air, Almost Famous, Into the Wild, One Week

4. Movies featuring character actors I recognize but can’t name – Patton Oswalt in Young Adult (I seriously LOVE this guy); Frances Conroy – mostly on tv (American Horror Story, Six Feet Under) but I loooove her; Margot Martindale – Paris je ‘taime, The Hours; J.K. Simmons – Juno, Up in the Air

5. Horror movies featuring demons, vampires and witches – Blair Witch Project, Paranormal Activity, Interview with the Vampire

6. Bad slasher flicks with boobies – Halloween, Friday the 13th, Nightmare on Elm Street, also any slasher movie shot in 3D… I know… I’m a weirdo.

7. Anything with Maya Rudolph – Away We Go, Prairie Home Companion, Bridesmaids

8. Any movie featuring Sad George Clooney (as opposed to Sauve George Clooney) - The Descendants (seriously this movie is SO good!), Up in the Air

Rules for Movies I Avoid

9. Movies where animals are lost, killed, endangered or abandoned OR where mommy animals die (f*cking Bambi)

10. Adam Sandler comedies from 2000 to present (with the exception of 50 First Dates *see rule #1) but I do like Spanglish and Funny People.

11. Anything with Cameron Diaz - every time I see her in a movie, it’s a role that’s incredibly sexist and shallow. Nothing against her specifically, but I can’t say that I enjoy famous actresses who consistently choose sexist roles (exception for Gangs of New York but, seriously, how did she get that part?) You could say the same thing about Katherine Heigl, Kate Hudson and several other actresses, I just dislike Cameron Diaz the most. Also, I used to not like Gwyneth Paltrow, but then she was on Glee and I kinda liked it…

12. Horror movies about aliens, mummies or werewolves

13. Any movie that takes place in outer space

14. Any movie shot completely in Motion Capture Animation – I grew up during the Disney Renaissance (The Lion King, Aladdin, Pocahontas, The Little Mermaid, Beauty and the Beast) and I wanted to be a Disney animator when I was little. Needless to say, beautiful hand-painted backgrounds and hand-drawn characters are deeply nostalgic for me. I think the scenery in Fern Gully (not a Disney film) belongs in an art museum. I don’t mind computer animation, but I draw the line with motion capture animation. The point of animation is NOT to get as close as possible to reality. The result looks gross and artless. Motion capture is devoid of any heart and always leaves me thinking, “why didn’t they save their money and shoot live-action instead?”

15. Comic book movies - exception for Batman movies directed by either Tim Burton or Christopher Nolan

16. Anything produced by Jerry Bruckheimer – I seriously hate every movie and television show that guy has ever made. I realize I’m in the minority. When I think of a Bruckheimer movie, I just picture exploding robots telling bad jokes to ladies wearing push-up bras…. oh…. that’s why he’s popular… I get it now (I’m not even being sarcastic, it seriously just clicked.)

Again, these rules are skewed to my specific taste. What are your movie watching rules? What actors do you avoid? Who’s your favourite director? Tell me in the comments!

 

Celeb Birthdays in January

Marilyn was born on June 1st, for the record. (weheartit.com)

What do you celebrate when the holidays are over and a long winter lies ahead? How about the birthdays of some weird and wonderful people!

Jan 5th – Marilyn Manson, Diane Keaton

Jan 6th – Joan of Arc

Jan 10th – Sal Mineo

Jan 17th – Andy Kaufman and, interestingly, Jim Carrey, who played Andy Kaufman in Man on the Moon.

Jan 19th – Dolly Parton, Janis Joplin, Edgar Allan Poe and Paul Cezanne

Jan 25th – Virginia Woolfe

Jan 27th – Patton Oswalt (who’s quickly becoming one of my favourite actors) also, Mikhail Baryshnikov, Lewis Carroll and  Mozart

Jan 29th – none other than her highness, Oprah Winfrey

Not a bad month to be born in.

Happy Birthday to my Capricorn and Aquarius readers!

11 Non-Traditional Holiday Movies and Episodes

I’m not a fan of traditional holiday movies. I can’t stand A Christmas Story, Christmas Vacation, or White Christmas and I LOATHE It’s a Wonderful Life. My favourite holiday themed entertainment is somewhat non-traditional. So, for your viewing pleasure:

TV Episodes

1. “How Lily Stole Christmas” – How I Met Your Mother

Lily sets up a winter wonderland in the apartment for Marshall but then Ted calls her the c-word and she takes it all down, hoarding it in her old apartment like the Grinch. Barney get sick and turns into a whiny toddler and Marshall makes sure everyone’s presents get delivered in time for Christmas. Also, Ted’s religious cousins are hilarious. This episode is very festive and very adorable.

2. “Mr. Hankey the Christmas Poo” – South Park

His name is Mr. Hankey. Google it.

3. “The Best Chrismukkah Ever” – The O.C.

I kinda love The O.C., in all of its angsty teen glory. This episode explains that Seth’s parents started celebrating Chrismukkah, a combo-holiday of their two faiths, so that Seth wouldn’t feel torn between or left out of either holiday. It’s a cute episode full of jokey sparring. As a Canadian, I’ve always been obsessed with Christmas in warmer climates, so this episode has that going for it too.

4. “White Trash Christmas” - Roseanne

Dan and Roseanne try to piss off the Neighbourhood Association by putting up the tackiest, ugliest Christmas decorations possible. Yesssssssss.

5. “So-Called Angels” – My So-Called Life

This is one of the more serious episodes of the series. Ricky goes missing and Angela and the Chase family go looking for him. Also, there’s an angel. This whole series is solid gold; the DVD box set would make a great alternative to the star on top of your tree.

6. Saturday Night Live Christmas Special!

There’s a couple SNL Christmas specials floating around the interwebs. Try to find the newer one with “Schweddy Balls,” “I Wish It Was Christmas Today,” Adam Sandler’s “Hanukkah Song” and Steve Martin’s “Christmas Wish.” Or just look up these sketches individually. Youtube doesn’t appear to have anything… but I’m sure you could find them somewhere…

Movies

1. Elf

Zooey Deschanel being adorable and Will Ferrell in a festive unitard. This is one of the cutest holiday movies ever.

2. The Family Stone

I LOVE this movie. Rachel McAdams character is my favourite. I want to marry into this family. I want to live in this house. I want to wear all of Diane Keaton’s clothes.

3. Love Actually

Obviously, this is the most lovely holiday movie ever made. My favourite story lines are the porn stand-ins and the old, washed up rocker guy. But there’s also cute romantic stuff, if you like that kind of thing.

4. Home Alone

This is the movie of my childhood. It’s amazing. We all know that. R.I.P. John Hughes.

5. Fred Claus

This is a newer movie, starring Vince Vaughn and Paul Giamatti. The message is basically that there’s no such thing as a naughty kid. Pretty awesome, right?

Have fun watching!